My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
