if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
