She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
