i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
