i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
