Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
