I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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