I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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