So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
