it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
