he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.