Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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  (212): he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform. http://tfl.nu/ifar
  Replies (16) Good night (666) Bad night (3479)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot

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  (413): I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot http://tfl.nu/9cpf
  Replies (78) Good night (6547) Bad night (908)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (895) Bad night (5237)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.

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  (905): If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too. http://tfl.nu/2teh
  Replies (21) Good night (1242) Bad night (4406)
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  (650): View more from California

  I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.

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  (650): I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain. http://tfl.nu/vu8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2205) Bad night (929)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.

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  (405): There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway. http://tfl.nu/olpt
  Replies (6) Good night (1419) Bad night (1028)
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  (760): View more from California

  explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.

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  (760): explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet. http://tfl.nu/b9gi
  Replies (9) Good night (2189) Bad night (976)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor

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  (250): You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor http://tfl.nu/35l1
  Replies (2) Good night (1924) Bad night (866)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

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  (541): I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed! http://tfl.nu/rzlj
  Replies (13) Good night (751) Bad night (2459)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.

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  (763): Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/4ttc
  Replies (4) Good night (1843) Bad night (841)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland

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  (774): Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland http://tfl.nu/km8l
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (728)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples

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  (520): Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples http://tfl.nu/6rbt
  Replies (1) Good night (642) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"

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  (941): She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you" http://tfl.nu/2vwa
  Replies (2) Good night (535) Bad night (371)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.

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  (931): Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight. http://tfl.nu/04cx
  Replies (0) Good night (376) Bad night (198)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.

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  (573): I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears. http://tfl.nu/ml9w
  Replies (0) Good night (281) Bad night (128)

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