Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
