Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.