oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.