how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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