And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!