checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
