It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
