I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
