i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
