When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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