is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
