dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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