I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
