i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
