Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
