Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize