So drunk its hurt
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
