Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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