Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
