But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
