Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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