I need help removing her.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
