My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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