So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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