I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
