Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
