You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize