hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
