Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
