It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
