I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
