So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
