Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
