i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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