I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
