Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
