His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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