I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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