I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
