it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
