it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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