I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have so much sex to catch up on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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