Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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