at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
