You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dick very happy bro
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
