his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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