It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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