sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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