Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
