didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
