i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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