you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's always time for handjobs
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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