I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
