it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
