Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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