I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
