I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
