i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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