Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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