You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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